With kids who are on psychotropic medication, it is amazing how well they do in environments where there is structure, stability and where they are challenged mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It is a fact that kids who are consistently in these types of environments often need less medication and can sometimes be weaned off medication altogether.  I rarely hear kids in our program explain their negative behavior with, “I forgot to take my pill today.”  First of all, they know better and second, they are learning to take responsibility for their choices.  Medication sometimes assists decision-making; it does not make decisions.

Pills may have their place but they are so overprescribed.  Their place is not to replace commonsense which is often the takeaway kids have. We know what kids need: exercise, balanced eating, sunlight, creative outlets, the ability to dream, accountability, an energizing world that provokes them to safely experiment with who they are and what they can do.  Before we medicate them, we need to examine whether we are giving them the essentials they need to be healthy and successful.

I fear the long-term studies of so much childhood medication are going to show a number of things: 1) We will find that most of the current medications (which are adult medications downsized for kids) were not all that effective and other factors (like powerful, creative parents) are more influential than pills.  2) Kids, as they become adults, will develop health problems from so much overmedication; some problems will prove irreversible.  3) Some will still be explaining their bad behavior with, “I forgot to take my pill today” but they won’t be 13, they will be 30.

Although it is not a laughing matter, I see it so much that I can’t help but smile at the tragic-comedy unfolding in the 21st century.  Kids, in all different settings, treating their parents like doormats on whom they wipe their feet without thought or regard.

The more puzzling part is parents allowing this to happen on a continuous basis. What’s up with that?  What are they thinking will result from this?  Does it buy them some alliance with the kid or is it simply weakness, insecurity and fear?  With footprints all over their minds, bodies and spirits, it seems counter-productive to raising healthy kids.

And it sets kids up for disaster when they go out into the world believing every adult will allow themselves to be walked upon with total disrespect.  This is not how the world works and many of us adults will not put up with this kind of dysfunctional behavior from your punk kid.  The kid will be stunned and eventually angry with you for teaching them a fairy tale version of reality.  Of course, by the time they figure out you set them up, you will have created some cute rationalization for your behavior.

Bottomline: Allowing your kids to walk all over you is a losing proposition for everyone.

Parents often ask, “How long will it take to change?”  My response: “Add up the number of weeks it took to get like this.  Divide by ten and that is the shortest time.  Multiply by ten and that is the longest time.”

Behind the question is the desire for a quick and speedy recovery.  A natural byproduct of our current society, I suppose, that expects immediate relief and has no patience for process and incremental progress.  Never mind that the family situation is sometimes a reflection of generations of unsolved problems.  We just want it to be different - now.

Often the current life of the family is presented as if family members just woke up one day and there it was.  Patterns of dysfunction, anger, depression, scattered thoughts, impulsivity, disengagement, upside down hierarchy, addiction, distress and all manner of unhealthy interactions.

When family members are asked how they arranged all this, they look confused, even insulted.  “What do you mean?”, they say, with a huffiness that is almost aggressive.  What I mean is, “How did you all arrange for it to be like this?”

It is not an accusation.  It is a question that asks family members to consider the possibility that the current mess is something they are responsible for and capable of fixing.  It didn’t just happen.  And it is not going to just get better.