When parents finally get to parentwarrior, they have, more than likely, run the gamut of therapy for the children and themselves, medication trials, school interventions, self-help books and an assortment of other attempts and nothing has worked.  Nothing has changed the bad situation at home.  Their kids are still being pains in the ass and now they have run out of options or ideas about what to do next.  So, unfortunately, parentwarrior is like a last resort.  Did I mention that nothing had previously worked.

But even with all this on their plate, parents still want me to say things to them in some “normal way”.  Not only am I supposed to tell them what they want to hear, I am supposed to tell them in a way that is acceptable to them (so they are not offended, upset, confronted, forced to examine, made to switch gears, etc.).  And this is how family situations stay virus-ridden and sick.  Even though all the nonsense that came before did not work, parents still want the nonsense in some form or another that they can recognize.  Garbage recycling.

When I don’t give them what they want then they manipulate even harder to have the same crap recycled or they run away.  They feign commitment to change saying they will do anything.  I tell them it is a lie and they won’t just do anything.  They might try a few things that make sense to them while rejecting anything that is confusing, ambivalence-producing, outside their basic mindset or god-forbid might actually work.  Parents, who by their own admission have no answers, are still trying to dictate how the process will go.

The process of change is often just down and dirty and you get your nose figuratively bloodied and you are forced to deal with issues that you have avoided your whole life and you get shaken to your core.  Without rocking your world, how do you think someone could be of use to you?  That is what you need.

And if you are going to take on the kids - who are better manipulators than you will ever be - you damn well better be better prepared then you are now.  Welcome to my world.

Tags: family behavior change, family mental health viruses, parent behavior change

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 24th, 2009 at 1:53 pm and is filed under Family Change. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.